Saturday, May 28, 2005

Strange challenge combinations and

The other day I thought I would do one of those challenges that BE has set up now. I thought what the hell, I'll give it a go. Well as I figured, my blog lost.

One reason is because the person that accepted was a photography site. Ok, I only have a few years college as opposed to say 7 or 8 but really, in reading any or even all of my posts which are normally nothing really to do with photography (I have on occasion put up a photo of my own such as my tuberose and that *is* copyright and no one has permission to use that ever for any reason)other than photos of my own like that do you see my blog listed as a fucking photography site? No? Well geee what a surprise.

BE should really do a little fixing so that the people who accept a challenge are actually in the same category as the other one. At least reasonably so. If someone likes pictures better than actually *reading* someone's posts, then guess what? The photo site will win it. I think I'll skip that shit till BE reorganizes the thing so that general/misc sites are challenged with general/misc.

So anyone hard up for points with a blog that has vastly different content than mine will just have to do without me until like sites are challenges. Thanks and you have a nice day anyway. HAHA...

Anyway, here is a joke for Sunday. Enjoy!

These are taken from real CVs and cover letters and were printed in the
July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:

1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."

2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."

3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

4. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."

5. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."

8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."

9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."

10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if ever forget details."

11. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No

13. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

14. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voice mail."

15. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing."

16. "My goal is to be a meteorological. But since I possess no
training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

17. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

18. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."

19. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."

20. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain

21. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I
have never quit a job."

22. "Marital status: often. Children: various."

23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees
get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those

24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous

25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."

26. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

News stories on Coach Kinne and Mary Oliver

Normally I don't do a lot of news reporting since it tends to depress me. However, a reader out of the USA asked about a couple of local stories so I will add links to whatever information I can find on the stories.

On the Coach Kinne shooting, here is a link from station KLTV Channel 7, Tyler-Longview, also MSNBC News.

The Houston Chronicle as well as USA Today also carry stories on the shooting.

On the Mary Oliver/Paulette Baines story, the news links are as follows.

American Renaissance News. And

After reading over both these stories it proves to me that this society is far too violent. I have not got the patience to teach kids but if I did, I certainly wouldn't tolerate being beaten in my class room by a psychotic parent. I do hope the court orders psychiatric testing for her.

In today's fast-paced modern society this is the very last thing a bunch of very impressionable kids need to see. It only reinforces violence with adults abusing other adults. I hope this is dealt with very quickly.

I don't know what the very latest information is on either case but I will post whatever I happen to find in the future.

Movies, acting & snogging

I have often wondered what it would be like to work as an actress. It must be loads of fun traveling and having people know who you are. Not to mention spending the day kissing someone like Colin Firth. Gosh I know I would just hate that. You believe me right?

Let's see, traveling all over the world to beautiful cities, meeting lots of famous people, snogging lots of handsome guys (ohh come on, you guys know you would love snogging the lips off all those gorgeous Hollywood ladies)and not to mention making huge piles of money. Wow what a way to make a living.

I suppose there are other great ways to earn a living, I just don't know what they would be. Your ideas are most welcome. Seriously, write and let me know if you have a great idea for money making. I need a job. Preferably one that makes huge loads of cash and is still fun. Does that sort of job actually exist? The lines are open.

Nepalese Yak Jokes.

While I write a new post, I'll share some of my favorite jokes with you all. There are no actual Nepalese Yak jokes here but I thought it was catchy and yaks are interesting and have an odd name.

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his
thumb over the meat.

"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my

"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor


A man calls home. The maid answers the phone.

He says, "can I speak to my wife?" The maid says, "No, she's upstairs with her boyfriend"

--He's mad-- says, "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill both of them." Being the loyal maid, she says "ok"

Five minutes later she picks up the phone and says,"Ok, their both dead. What should I do with the bodies?"

He says, "Throw them into the pool, I'll take care of them when I get home." She says, "We don't have a pool!" He says, "Is this 574-8293?"


Remember, things could be worse.

You could:

1. Wake up face down on the pavement.

2. Put your bra on backward and it fits better.

3. Call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

4. See a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.

5. See your birthday cake collapse from the weight of the candles.

6. Have your son tell you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.

7. Turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

8. Have your twin sister forget your birthday.

9. Wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize that you
don't have a waterbed.

10. Have your car horn go off accidentally and remain stuck as you follow
a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

11. Have your boss tell you not to bother to take off your coat.

12. Realize that the bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

13. Walk to work and find your dress is stuck in back of your pantyhose.

14. Call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your

15. Have your blind date turn out to be your ex-husband/wife.

16. Put both contact lenses in the same eye.


Sunday, May 22, 2005

Buick Titanic - Ships of the highway

Riding around in Dallas we had this absolutely enormous car pass us. It was one of those old Buicks - you know the ones that are actually more like ships of the highway? Like a 1974 Buick Titanic. Complete with several engineers in the back shoveling coal into the engine boilers.

Anyway, the car whooshed past us and as I saw the driver I thought the end of the car would soon come but to my astonishment it didn't. The car kept going and going and going. It was like watching a cruise liner glide past. I was actually looking out for anyone who might be playing shuffleboard on deck and thinking, "Wow, I'd like to take a cruise someday".

You could have an accident in one of those and it would take the police 2 hours just to figure out which deck of the car/ship you are in. I wonder if a band would stay on and play as the car went out of sight? Maybe one of those Beach Boys car songs. Little GTO or Little deuce Coupe? Little Red Corvette?

I've just been informed that a Corvette is also suppose to be some sort of ship. See? See??(...pointing my finger...) I'm not nearly as far off the mark as most people think I am. Ha!

And then there are the pirates of the highways. You might get one of those Buick Titanics with a skull and crossbones on it and another one coming over a hill. And the battle begins...

All the guys in both cars would be jumping out saying, "Avast ye highway swab dogs! Give us yer ship and ye may see thee marrow!" "Yarrr!" And "Yarrr, I'll be havin' that Beach Boy's cd too ye devil dog!"

Then the winning pirates take the ship back to their personal dock and strip it of it's best shiply goodies and give all the left over car/ship personnel the option to either be tied to a chair and forced to listen to Celine Dion or to make them walk along the high five in Dallas as punishment. Most of them would choose the high five.

Kidney beans

As I sit here cleaning the mold off my blog page, I wonder what sort of thing to post. Should I post on being ill? Maybe post on what it's like to have a stint in your kidney? Well let me tell you, it sucks. I think Doctors created stints for the sole purpose of tormenting already sore patients. I can think of a few very interesting things to do with those stints after having had one. They say you aren't suppose to feel it and that it will "help the pain".

Yes, oh sure, it helped it alright. It helped it get worse. Ugh! Had it not been for the possible permanent damage to my kidney without it, I would never have agreed to have one. At least the Doctor told me I needed one and since he knows more than I do, I took his word for it.

Now, I have a thing or two to say about nurses too. Most of them are pretty good. Especially the ones that took care of me since I am a horrid patient in the first place. One who is evil incarnate when I am in pain. So all in all, I had good nurses. There was one nurse however that spoke really fast when she talked to me - now I don't know if any of you have ever experienced this but when you are basically doped up on morphine and someone is talking that fast to you, things kind of go by in a blur. As was the case with me.

She (out of courtesy I will leave her name off in case she happened across this blog) would bustle into my room with all her nursley equipment and say something like this... "Hi Mary.. Herewrjg fglala adfkgnadfl ajjj herrrogg aalfl". At least that is how it sounded to me. She was nice enough and professional considering she had to put up with me in the first place but I could figure out anything past the hello bit. For the most part I just nodded and waved weakly.

The Doctor that I saw is actually a very good Urologist. At least according to all the magazine covers, diplomas, awards etc that are all over his office walls. But I think you can tell when some of these people are just a tad bit full of themselves. It may have gotten back to him via a nurse that I had suggested bringing them a grease gun so his head would more easily fit through the office door. Geez I was kidding.

Anyway, he came into my room and said that he thought I had insinuated that they wern't doing everything they could to help me not hurt. What?? that's news to me. For the most part they kept me reasonably pain free.

It makes you feel very strange when someone suggests something like that when you are already in pain and not feeling all that hot. Needless to say I told him that certainly wasn't the case and that I had said no such thing.

Honestly, sometimes these medical people just need to learn when to give moral support to patients rather than bother them with crap like that.

I am from now on going to make a signed peace treaty with my kidneys. They'll have to behave themselves if they expect to get treats otherwise it's a no go.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Kate Where Are You?

Kate, i was worried enough when Retarius disappeared, but you are pretty unwell last we heard and NOW NOTHING!! How the hell are you woman? Miss you, get well, be swell etc D x

Monday, May 09, 2005

A thank you for the get well wishes

Thanks for the get well greetings Deek, they are most appreciated! While I have indeed taken enough drugs over the past few days to medicate a small country, so many in fact that I am fairly sure that I saw Napoleon yesterday, I still wanted to try the Fukitol pills.

I have taken several Fukitol pills and I'm feeling better already. This is an amazing drug. You are right in saying that no one would want to pick me up, I'll spare you the details but it is so true.

A kidney stone the size of a small cat

Hello to everyone in blogger land or just those of you who are visiting my site. I have been busy being very ill with a kidney stone the size of a small cat. I will share with you the normal explanation of what's been happening as I set to a friend.

..."just got home from the hospital last night. I was admitted last Thursday night and had surgery that same night to put in a stint. Basically, The Urologist had to go into my kidney and put a stint in to hold open the tube. The name starts with a U? I can't remember what he called it. Anyway, the stone was blocking it and he was worried that it would cause serious, permanent damage. He pushed the stone back up into my kidney and then put in the stint. This is incredibly painful... I just can't begin to tell you how much. I hope all goes well and that I can heal quickly.

According to the Doctor he will have to do laser surgery to break it up since it is enormous. He told me that most stones he has removed have normally been around 5mm-7mm. He said that mine was huge (I misspoke myself on the other email, the stone was 1cm) in comparison. What's worse is that he isn't positive when he can do the surgery since he literally has to call in favors from his physician friends and colleagues in order to find a hospital that has a laser unit available and not in use. Then he has to shift some patients around to move me up. I am hoping that he can do the surgery within at least a day or two. I seriously hope that it won't be much longer than a couple of days.

He did give me antibiotics, and a drug (Urised) for spasms since my bladder and all my abdomen and back hurt, as well as a pain (Norco 10 mg/325mg tablets) medication. However it is still extremely painful and I am home only because I chose to come home and try to convalesce at home rather than staying in the hospital until the surgery. But if I have any trouble - high fever, unmanageable pain, inability to urinate, I have to go straight back to the ER pronto. I am so sick... UGH."

Fortunately for me, the Doctor called this morning to say that he had gotten me scheduled for this coming Thursday. Please keep your fingers and eyes crossed for me that all goes smoothly. I had no idea that this would be so painful - it's unreal!

Another thing I wanted to comment on is my nonexistent ipod. I don't have mine yet. So far, I only have two people of the five I need that have actually completed an offer so if anyone else wants to do something nice for me besides hitting the paypal (feel free to send me steaming piles of cash. I would say "dough" but if I did, I just know that someone would send me a box with actual dough in it. Ha! I foiled the silliness attempt.) button, feel free to complete an ipod offer. Thank you and this concludes this presentation.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Get Well Soon Kate!

Kate, my poor sick friend, I know you've probably had enough drugs in the past few days to feel there just isn't room for any more, and that if we picked you up and shook you (not a good idea) you would rattle, but I wanted to wish you all the best and advise that if you take one more, it should be this one.