Saturday, October 30, 2004

In Absentia

As our fearless leader is seemingly MIA, I feel it only appropriate to keep the spirit of this blog alive, but I find myself struggling for an appropriate topic.

I've been working for a political campaign since the new year while looking for a job, and in the past several days there's been a lot of last second push going on. Calling people, trying to get a gauge on the polls, get the voters we know are in support of us out to the polls, encouraging them to get their friends to vote, and perhaps most importantly locking in on the undecided voters.

This year it's been particularly interesting, there is a high number of Absentee voters (means they voted early.) Traditionally because they wouldnt' be able to vote on election day. This year though there's lots of speculation. Is it people avoiding the rush and we won't have that bit of a turnout? Or are we really going to have a large number of voters?

Let's not mention the large number of vote fraud schemes out there. It seems to be mostly focused around that of morally corrupt democrats (I know there are good democrats out there. Just have yet to see them. :P (j/k)). Apparently this year many votes have been bought for drugs, and fradulent registrations will vote by paying people with drugs to vote as a dead or non-existant person. There are several places that have more registrations than people who even live in the area- oy! That seems to be true here in Missouri, sadly.

The end result of this whole push, by both parties though, is sadly people are getting flooded with mail, email, commercials, phone calls, and door bells encouraging them to vote, and which way to vote. While one or two reminders is a good thing, 15 are not. I fear many people will be persuaded to vote against the person they really want just as a result of the tactics employed by the candidate or their party. Either that or they'll be talking to little orange gnomes with blue boxer shorts on..

So.. The republicans won't vote democrat, nor will democrats vote republican over that. Who does this usually leave us with? The Libertarians. This lot, although well meaning, are frequently overboard on issues that aren't that important, and extremeist on issues that would matter. If you look at them, do we really want them in office? Sometimes yes. I say this and I'm a Republican, I openly and freely admit and subject myself to the punishment of our audience.

Given the facts you see here... will we have a large voter turnout? Or the usual of people because of the disenfranchising of voters? Will those extra efforts offend people enough to make things really really messy? And what about those drugs? Will they work for their purposes? What will happen to the drugs if they're taken?

And on that note. Why aren't there any LEGAL drugs with interesting side effects other than making you pee anyway?

I do have to say, the massive effort and logistics of these final days makes things really really interesting, and is likely to make things really really hairy for those of us in the middle of working things out. There's one really pretty gal here (who'd I'd love to date, but am too shy to say anything).. Poor gal has had her mother in a car wreck, and works basically 8am to midnight every day. And they're not light work days either, it's full throttle during that time. She's really starting to wear down. I can only hope she gets a vacation soon. Either that or drunk and laid, or something like that. All God's children need laid after all.

So. This totally pointless rant is now here with many thought provoking things, but I fear I'm just too burnt out until I get some rest after the elction to do our usual amount of snide humor. I just don't have it left in me right now. Amazingly I've made a decently long post out of no real brain coherency.

Hrmm.. maybe there is a drug with interesting side effects other than urine creation. Just wish I could actually FEEL it.

Friday, October 22, 2004

How are you Kate ?

???? and ????

miss you :)

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

A good one.

And yet another joke that shows that we're all just pawns but we can agree on some things no matter where we're from.

This one really made me laugh.

A squad of Marines were driving up the highway between Basra and Baghdad. They came upon an Iraqi soldier badly injured and unconscious.

Nearby, on the opposite side of the road, was an American Marine in a similar
but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert.

As first aid was given to both men, the Marine was asked what had happened.

The Marine reported; "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway.

Coming south was a heavily armed Iraqi soldier." "What happened then?" the Corpsman asked.

"I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable asshole, and he yelled back:

'Tom Daschle, Ted Kennedy, Jessie Jackson and Bill & Hillary Rodham Clinton are miserable assholes'.

"We were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us."

Joke time folks!

Ok, it's joke time. I love these and the last one definitely reminds me of my Doctor. Hopefully, he'll never read my BLOG. HAHA...

Things you don't want to hear during brain surgery

1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

2. "Accept this sacrifice, O great lord of darkness."

3. Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!

4. Wait a minute; if this is his spleen, then what's that?

5. Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.

6. Oh no! Where's my Rolex.

7. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?

8. There go the lights again!

9. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys and this guy's got two of 'em."

10. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

11. Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration.

12. What's this doing here?

13. I hate it when there’s missing stuff in here.

14. That's cool. Now can you make his leg twitch by pressing that one?

15. Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

16. Sterile schmerile. The floor's clean, right?

17. What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?

18. OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

19. This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

20. Nurse, did this patient sign an organ donation card?

21. Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

22. What do you mean, "You want a divorce?

23. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

24. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

25. Well for gosh sakes! Has anyone seen the keys to my Audi?

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

More Than Pop

You don't bring me flowers... anymore... Neil Diamond, if I remember right. What a miserable git.

If someone sang to me like that, I'd bring him chicken soup and a duvet, and hold his hand for a while. Then I'd put bromide in his coffee and throw the porn videos away. Honestly !

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

399 Reps can't be wrong

The House of Representatives have voted 399-1 in favor of a bill to make Spyware illegal. "Hooray", I hear you all say. Then, I hear a moment's awkward silence and the shuffling of feet as there is the dawning realization that something that obvious should have been unanimous. Finally someone asks the question: "Who was the '1' that voted against this?"

I'm not going to answer that immediately; instead, see if you can guess:

1 - which party this party belongs to, and
2 - which state he represents.

Answers below.

1: Republican, what else?

2: Texas, where else?

Sunday, October 03, 2004

A conversation to remember

Below is part of a conversation that I saved between myself and Deek. No matter how often I read it, I never fail to laugh. These are the moments that are best. Spontaneous lunacy.

The Rockford flies says:

The Rockford flies says:
I found the decapitated head of a wasp.

The Rockford flies says:
Must have been there a day and IT WAS STILL MOVING.

Kate says:

The Rockford flies says:

The Rockford flies says:
So of course, I gave it a lecture about death

Kate says:

Kate says:
What was the lecture?

The Rockford flies says:
1. When u die, DON'T wave your antennae around. 2. When your head gets separated from your body, DO TRY to give up the ghost all at once. 3. Just because you died horribly there's no need to take it out on the rest of us by being so damn scary.

October 3, 1954

This is a tribute to one of my favorite musicians. I think in the world of music there are musicians that come along that are so astoundingly talented that it simply cannot last. They are lent to us only for a short time then something in nature recognizes that they've been with us long enough and takes them away again. Sadly, far too soon.

Fortunately I was so lucky to catch the brilliant spark that was Stevie Ray Vaughan.

His roots began in the city where I live.

His music moved on to Austin where the city erected a statue in his honor. The only musician honored this way in Austin.

Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble On Sony Music.

As is his music, my rose is forever. Happy Birthday Stevie.
October 3, 1954 - August 27, 1990

"Use heavy strings, tune low and floor it." Stevie Ray Vaughan

Friday, October 01, 2004

MMMMMM... crabs

Let's try this again, I've verified the site is back up.

With the same sense of deja-vu that this post is sure to inspire, this game should kick you back to the good ol' days.

I (re)present:

A Case of the Crabs

Now... at this point I must mention that the following comments will NOT be accepted- Comments about my personality. Comments about my sexual activities, or lack thereof. Comments about our faithful leader's temperment. Comments about the temperment of steel. Comments about Hillary Clinton's temperment (although deserved.) Comments about the nature of the servers which I linked to. Comments even remotely as lame attempts at humor as this past list of verboten comments.