Repost of "The Catalog".
Another day and I can't think of a decent post so I'm reposting this. Normally when I write something like this, I do so from something I've read or seen. This is no exception. I found this catalog and these things were actually items for sale. Enjoy.
Rooting through my mail I found this nifty catalog of really expensive junk that I thought would be fun to look through even though I'd probably never buy any of it.
One item they list is a $375.00 pen safe. What the safe consists of is a small box that will display 12 pens in view and 12 hidden in a bottom tray. The ad states that the pens will be kept under lock and key. I found that odd since the safe has a thin glass top.
I imagined an angry, frustrated burglar saying, "ahhhh nuts!! And me with no key" the imbecile never once considering that a slight flick of the thumb and middle finger would end the pent up frustration and give him access to the wonderful array of genuine imitation plastic pens. This sort of incident is normally reported on the "Stupid criminal of the week" report.
Another item was a gargoyle pencil holder $29.95 each or $27.95 each for two or more. Right away I began a list of lucky recipients for this incredible gift.
The catalog had both front and side views of the holder. I suppose this was so that they could be assured that one side looked just as ridiculous as the other.
The pencil cup is to the back of the gargoyle and he has a space in his mouth that holds another pencil. The expression on his face is one of, "Oh please, please, please ..not me please...". It seems the logical thing to me would have been to put the hole for the extra pencil through his head ala Steve Martin style. Perhaps that would have helped alleviate a bit of his pained expression.
And last but certainly not least is the bookmark. $16.95 each or $14.95 for two or more. This treasure of the literary world is made of very thin solid brass and has two strips of leather to mark pages. The brass handle, did I say handle? That's probably because it looks very much like a handle and along with the strips of leather, looks much like an extremely cheap whip of some sort.
I can see Conan the librarian standing in his barbarian garb, bookmark/whip in hand saying, "Read...**Crack**...read...**Crack** READ!! **Crack**..." Since I like Conan the librarian, I might not mind so much, but for 17 bucks? I think not.
Rooting through my mail I found this nifty catalog of really expensive junk that I thought would be fun to look through even though I'd probably never buy any of it.
One item they list is a $375.00 pen safe. What the safe consists of is a small box that will display 12 pens in view and 12 hidden in a bottom tray. The ad states that the pens will be kept under lock and key. I found that odd since the safe has a thin glass top.
I imagined an angry, frustrated burglar saying, "ahhhh nuts!! And me with no key" the imbecile never once considering that a slight flick of the thumb and middle finger would end the pent up frustration and give him access to the wonderful array of genuine imitation plastic pens. This sort of incident is normally reported on the "Stupid criminal of the week" report.
Another item was a gargoyle pencil holder $29.95 each or $27.95 each for two or more. Right away I began a list of lucky recipients for this incredible gift.
The catalog had both front and side views of the holder. I suppose this was so that they could be assured that one side looked just as ridiculous as the other.
The pencil cup is to the back of the gargoyle and he has a space in his mouth that holds another pencil. The expression on his face is one of, "Oh please, please, please ..not me please...". It seems the logical thing to me would have been to put the hole for the extra pencil through his head ala Steve Martin style. Perhaps that would have helped alleviate a bit of his pained expression.
And last but certainly not least is the bookmark. $16.95 each or $14.95 for two or more. This treasure of the literary world is made of very thin solid brass and has two strips of leather to mark pages. The brass handle, did I say handle? That's probably because it looks very much like a handle and along with the strips of leather, looks much like an extremely cheap whip of some sort.
I can see Conan the librarian standing in his barbarian garb, bookmark/whip in hand saying, "Read...**Crack**...read...**Crack** READ!! **Crack**..." Since I like Conan the librarian, I might not mind so much, but for 17 bucks? I think not.
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