Thursday, November 25, 2004

An AmeriBrit's relaxing Thanksgiving

Today was a nice day. I cooked a nice dinner and Pete baked a ham that was the best. All in all it was a very nice dinner. I ended the day by reading over blogs I like, Pete's being one of them. From there I found a link to something really funny.

Read this. It is simply too funny to do the piece justice by telling you about it.

I hope everyone has had a nice dinner with people you love and that the rest of the year is a good one for us all. To our British family and friends, I wish you all had been here with us today to celebrate. Still, I look forward to that November 2 holiday once Her Majesty's government is in effect again..(g). While I'm on that subject, I'd like to make an amendment or two to those rules.

1. Stop keeping all the best tea e.g. Typhoo, Yorkshire, etc to yourselves and make it cheap and readily available for we Americans henceforth to be known as AmeriBrits. We're sick and tired of paying ridiculous import prices for it in American markets.

2. Do stop hoarding all the best crisps, e.g. Walkers Smoky Bacon, Walkers Beef and onion, basically anything with "Walkers" in the name. We as AmeriBrits should be able to lobby Parliament for our right to enjoy those too and at a substantial decrease in cost as well. Please don't force us to create a special underground government division to carry out raids on Walkers warehouses in order to acquire crisps.

3. After the national health care goes into effect, do make sensible over the counter drugs that actually work available to the public. We are sick and tired of having our hands slapped in regard to pain killers and various other medications that the rest of the world has within reach. Actually, if you are going to force those of us that would choose to be elsewhere to continue to live here in the US, drugs should be given to us for free as a token of your heartfelt sympathy.

4. To actually be able to afford to live e.g. going on holiday, visiting places etc, without the need of more than one hundred dollars - as well as pay our bills. We cannot currently do both. Our monthly electricity bills are simply too high.

5. To immediately put into effect a change from our ridiculously expensive electricity of 110 volts to 230 or 240 volts whichever is the current system used in Britain today.

6. Also, add proper three-prong plugs rather than the two-prong fire traps they give us now. Adding that any contractor found installing aluminium wiring should be immediately taken out wrapped securely in his spool of aluminium wire and beaten like a rented mule until he comes to his senses and reinstalls copper or whatever safer wiring Britain uses.

In conclusion, those of us who understand most of the rules established (especially the one about the Commonwealth of Massachusetts paying penance via the salt shaker) may consider you more hospitable if you can meet the above conditions within a reasonable period of time. Therefore we welcome the Queen and Royal family as well as Tony Blair who isn't too bad to look at so it won't be a total drag listening to his speeches.


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