Thursday, March 03, 2005

Health Valley crackers are the best!

I have figured out why so many of us American's are losing our minds. It's the packaged food industry that's why.

I have noticed lately that no matter what type of box I try to open it ends up tearing and ripped to bits. And this is despite me being careful to leave the little re-closable tab intact and all. On several occasions when I have checked the glue under the flaps there was enough on the boxes to glue most of a small country back together.

Why is that? Why do they need to slop so much glue on the packages of crackers we buy that you end up irritated, tearing open the damn plastic pack once you've fought your way into the box past the security glue. It's just crazy and personally it ruins my entire cracker experience. How am I expected to enjoy the whole grain wheat crackers then?

Why not carry it a bit further and actually put a tiny alarm on the boxes? Then all that glue would be unnecessary. If you tired to rip the box open before turning off the alarm, the cracker thief would get a blast of obnoxious Slim Whitman music in the face scaring the person half to death. That would do it for me for sure.

Come on all you manufacturers stop welding our cracker boxes shut and let us enjoy them! By the way, the following are my favorites. Stoned wheat! Cool and very tasty too. But who knew wheat could get stoned?


  • I believe me and my friends discovered getting wheat stoned back in 9th grade... no, wait, that was a rabbit. Never mind.

    By Blogger Kim, at 11:21 AM  

  • i got ripped to the tits last night on stones, it was great. cheap too!

    By Blogger Deek Deekster, at 8:03 AM  

  • Oh too funny! I agree! I have the hardest time with cereal boxes. Grrrrrr.. so now I just go with the bags.
    I came across your blog on
    Very nice. Keep it up!

    By Blogger Tex, at 3:14 PM  

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