Favorite ways to annoy people

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 150%, dark, 17-inch paper, and 99 copies.

2. In the memo field of all of your checks, write "for sensual massage".

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".

5. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think".

6. Practice making fax and modem noises.

7. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.

8. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy".

9. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

10. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green and insist to others that you "like it that way".

11. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

12. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

13. Ask people what gender they are.

14. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

15. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

16. Sing along at the opera.

17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

18. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

19. Send this list to everyone in your e-mail address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.