Saturday, September 11, 2004

September 11, 2001 Remembered


I am just an ordinary woman with a husband and two sons. Like most people, I live an ordinary life. A life created by years of comfortable and sometimes not so comfortable routine. Little did I know that the day of 9/11 would change my life forever. My heart and mind didn't want to comprehend what my eyes were seeing, yet I could not look away. My heart broke as I sat there unable to even stand up- watching in total horror as the plane hit the first tower.

For just a fleeting second, I thought it wasn't real- it simply could not be real. Not here, not in New York, not in the United States. With tears streaming down my face, I watched as people waited for help that could not save them, many of them leaping from the towers to escape the flames. I know without a doubt those lost on 9/11 took part of my soul with them forever.

From 9/11 I have gained a tremendous amount of compassion for others as well as a deeper appreciation and love of all life. Much more than I had ever thought possible. But it came at far too high a price. The sudden, horrific loss of so many human beings left its mark on my soul.

Like so many other people, I too am a victim. No longer do I feel totally safe, thinking nothing can touch my family. No longer do I immediately trust and accept that most people are decent and trustworthy. I look at those around me with more caution. Caution for who or what might actually be behind the eyes I'm looking into.

Still I try to live a decent, loving life where I can be good to people and help others. A life without fear. But I still find it difficult. You see I grew up being told that there were no real monsters. But there are.

I still cry for the fear and pain of those frightened souls that I could do nothing for. But I am grateful that they feel nothing more. They will always be heroes to me.

5 Comments:

  • Im glad that it changed you. The event has burned a image into my heart forever. Today I cleaned a US Forces Kinder Grave here at Ramstein Airbase Germany. It was a rewarding experience. I would like to ask you to remeber the heroes that are on the front lines avenging America.

    By Blogger jeff, at 11:59 AM  

  • Oh it definitely changed my outlook of life in many ways. I know 9/11 of any year will still bring back memories, so talking about it helps.

    You're in Germany? I love Germany! beautiful place. I've been to Dusseldorf, Heidleberg, Stuttgart, Munich, I still have to think of the english spellings for those- I was going to type them in German. Anyway, What is a Kinder grave?

    Thanks for visiting my blog. I hope you found something interesting.

    Kate

    By Blogger Kate Ford, at 1:10 AM  

  • On Saturday I flew a balsa wood plane into my local tower block, laughing as I remembered how the pictures shown on that day on the news of (supposed) Palestinians dancing in the street celebrating the New York attacks were in fact taken from footage months old..

    How quick were the rulers to use the horrible events for their own purposes.. how foolish we are to allow our humanity and sympathy to be usurped for political ends.. it's like Warhol said after JFK died. He was appalled and saddened just like everyone... but he hated the way the media (and the political sector) was programming people to FEEL a certain way.

    Yes it was awful seeing those people dive out of the buildings. That doesn't make them heroes, it just makes them victims. As much as this boy who was shot by an Israeli soldier whilst playing in the street as part of the collective punishment after the recent bus bombs. Goes around, comes around, and as much as I hate to say it, the US had it coming. Bearing in mind that out of the 3,000 or so 9/11 victims, 500 + were British. So, I am not exactly swimming in bias.

    It's NEVER as simple as we would like it to be.

    By Blogger Deek Deekster, at 4:15 PM  

  • Just to clear something up - Warhol reacted to the JFK disaster by making his Jackie series of silkscreens, and was condemned as juvenile, tacky, common and extremely hurtful. He wasn't being any of those things - he was making a point about our reaction to disaster.

    Me and Andy (bless his non-conformist liberal arty gay socks) both believe that we should be allowed to discuss these things - anything in fact - in tones other than morbid, reverent, respectful, should we choose to do so. No offense meant, but if you can't handle that kind of attitude, at least don't assume it's wrong or bad.

    And did I say America deserved this awful event ? No. Did I welcome it ? No. I said that it had it coming, by which I mean, as ye sow, so shall ye reap. I could see straight away that 9/11 could only add to further injustice and pain and death.

    As for my little memorial, I am afraid I stick to it. On November 11th we honour the dead from the 2 World Wars. As a kid we observed the 2 minutes silence every year. As an adult I held a service of 2 minutes noise, raised my grandfather's Union Jack, played loud patriotic music, and had fireworks tied to poppies (the national symbol for a dead soldier) thrown at myself cowering in a makeshift shelter while rockets were launched as fast as possible. Some people hated it, but one man who like me had lost family in that war, came up to me white as a sheet afterwards and thanked me. He understood my response - which is what it was, a response, not a reaction.

    Irreverence is part of life and death. Some were offended by Spike Milligan's gravestone saying "I Told You I Was Ill" - even though it was his wish, took them a year to get it into the graveyard, and even then it's in Gaelic not English. I wonder what Bill Hicks would have said about 9/11. I bet it would NOT have been sentimental !

    By Blogger Deek Deekster, at 12:33 AM  

  • I never said you couldn't have an opinion. While you may not have meant it to be hurtful, it certainly felt so. And I see no need to hurt someone who obviously feels very differently than you do about a touchy and painful subject.

    If I choose to be sad, morbid, reverent or anything else about 9/11 then that is my choice. It does sadden me because it was morbid and horrid. As are all forms of terrorism and murder against any people not just the USA.

    Yes you did say that the US had it coming. As ye sow so shall ye reap? Well I guess both those comments could be said about many places England included.

    And don't put words into my mouth. I did not say you said the US deserved it; those were my own thoughts just in case anything so ludicrous came to mind.

    You have your opinion and I have mine. And again, you may feel the way you do but my sadness will not simply disappear.

    Also an important thing to remember here is that I like you just as you are. Occasional irritations and all. We are able to discuss things even though our feelings and opinions do differ at times and both express what we feel strongly. I wouldn't ask you to change. Please accept me the same way.

    If I jump into your face about something you've said, posted, etc that is because I give you credit for being intelligent enough to accept the fact that my opinion on the subject isn't necessarily what yours is and that you can actually handle that.

    By Blogger Kate Ford, at 1:44 AM  

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